i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
