Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
