What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
