so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
