Someone shit on the floor
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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