he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
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