drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
