i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
your like the ambassador to my penis.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize