you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
