who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Randomize
