okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I didn't notice because vodka
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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