I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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