I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
