i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
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