she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
We left an ass print on the piano.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Randomize
