I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Randomize