I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
