So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
