I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
don't judge my taste in strippers
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Randomize
