Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
