We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Randomize
