I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Randomize
