Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
