I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
