she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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