If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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