I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
