party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
