So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
