I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
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