I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Randomize
