SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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