question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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