Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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