You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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