bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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