u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
from now on my penis is your penis
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Randomize
