why didn't you poke me back
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
