We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Randomize
