These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
