How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Randomize
