the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
