just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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