My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Randomize
