I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
pop tarts are not kleenex
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
