I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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