dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
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