she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
