Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
