After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I am mentally ready for anal.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
