Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize