dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
