just come out here and I will go home with you...
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Randomize
