Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
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