At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
is this the sara with the beer cane?
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
