She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
