i wish my penis had a tongue
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
try to milk me bitch
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