...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Randomize
