I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Randomize
