i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
