Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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