I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
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