If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
grandma shit on top of the toilet
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
