there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Randomize
