My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Randomize
